Becoming a mother is one of the greatest moments that a woman can ever experience. You spend 9 months preparing for and anticipating the arrival of your little bundle of joy and a lifetime worrying over all of the little problems and issues that will arise over the course of your baby’s life. As you raise your children, you create a vision of what their life and future will be like as they get older. That vision may grow and change depending on situations and experiences over time, but we all create a future world for our children that is based upon the dreams we have created for them. That vision begins with the pink double line or the blue plus that appears on that magical stick on which you urinate. As your pregnancy progresses and you begin to feel that little human inside you kick and stretch, that vision that we have created continues to grow.
Becoming a mother is also scary, especially with your first child. I remember being so scared that I would do something wrong or that my baby would stop breathing at night. I caught myself many nights standing over his crib watching intently for his chest to rise and fall. I did the same thing with my daughter. That mothering instinct just develops naturally. All you know is that you have a love for that little baby that you have never experienced before and you will do whatever it takes to protect him or her…and you do that…well, I don’t think you ever stop trying to protect them. It’s just in us to do what it takes to protect our babies.
Over the past 9 months, I have watched my baby girl begin to grow as a mother. No, Blakely hasn’t been born yet, but, Taylor is Blakely’s mom. I’ve watched those natural instincts grow in her and have watched her mindset change as Blakely has grown inside her. It’s an amazing thing to watch…I mean, I’m getting a glimpse of what my mom saw when she saw me become a mother for the first time. As I write this, I am anticipating Blakely’s birth at any moment and I still find myself wanting to protect Taylor. I want to be there for her and be a part of labor and delivery. Sadly, Covid-19 has changed things so much that I won’t get to be a part of that experience and that has been hard for me to accept. But..it is what it is…right? And that is completely out of my control.
Despite the cloud that has placed over this whole experience, there is a joy in my soul that I haven’t felt in quite some time. That is true for Taylor as well. We cannot contain our excitement to meet Blakely, to hear her first cry, and to hold her close and breathe in that new baby smell. The excitement of Blakely’s arrival is, however, tinged with a touch of sadness because her uncle Aaron will not be a part of her life here on this earth. I know that Aaron would be so excited to welcome his new niece into this world…and Blakely would have absolutely loved Aaron. I never envisioned Aaron not being a part of this milestone in our family. It is these moments that the grief hits again. It’s those little things that catch you off-guard…it’s a trigger that couldn’t we couldn’t have foreseen. Taylor said earlier in the week, that Aaron’s birthday this year wasn’t as hard as she had anticipated. However, she felt that grief recently as she left the doctor’s office. She said that for some reason, she thought about how Aaron wasn’t going to be a part of this, and the wave hit her full force.
While there is a longing for our circumstances to be different, wanting things to be different won’t change reality. So, we have to learn to live in this new chapter of our lives in a way we had never expected. In this new chapter, Taylor is becoming a mom and when she sees and holds her baby girl for the first time, she will feel the love for Blakely that I felt for her and for Aaron when I held them for the first time.
A mother’s love is like no other love because it is boundless, endless, selfless…it is unconditional. Motherhood is a precious gift that molds and shapes who we are and who we become. A mother is always a mother and she carries her children with her for life. Nothing can break the love and the bond between mother and child because it is something that never dies.